War Sad - Revolution Blood

From a number of conversations with different Amanda’s of the world

<>

So you are a pacifist?

<> Yes

Are you really?

Or do you just think you are?

<> Yes I am pacifist

What is it about war you do not like?

<> I don’t like the thought of people being killed

From the left are you?

<> Sort of

Sort of?

You either are or your not

<> OK I am of the left

Like little furry things do you?

<> What do you mean?

Ha, ha, ha

Are you a vegetarian?

<> What’s that got to do with it?

Just drawing up a picture

So are you or are you not?

<> Yes I am

You’re not a Christian?

<> No

Right

Straight to the point

What do you think of Revolution?

<> What do you mean?

Is Revolution war?

<> No

It’s not?

Is it not?

<> Do you think it is?

I know it is

<> No it’s not

That’s just what you lefties want to believe

But just because you want to believe it it does not mean it’s the truth

War bad

Revolution good

Revolution is just another word for war

<> No it’s not

Yes it is

<> You cannot prove it

Yes I can

<> Go on then

Ha, ha, ha

Would you kiss a warrior if I could?

<> Who is the warrior?

Well me

<> How are you a warrior?

I was in the British Army

<> How does that make you a warrior?

Shit do you not know?

<> Know what?

That the British are the best warriors in the world

<> How?

Let me ask you a question or two

Tell me if you know of any warriors

In Japan

What are they called?

<> Samurai

Samurai what?

<> Samurai warriors

Shit ye got it

Ever heard of a place where the British fought a battle called Rorke's Drift?

<> Yes

Who did they fight?

<> The Zulu

Zulu what?

<> Zulu warriors

Ever seen a cowboy and indian film?

<> Yes

What was another name for the indians?

<> Warriors

What were the Vikings?

<> Warriors

What makes them warriors?

<> They fight

They fight what?

<> What do you mean?

What do they fight in?

<> Battles

And battles are a part of what?

<> Wars

Pecisely

To be a warrior you have got to fight in wars

And the British Army have won more wars than any other bastard under the sun

We are

The warrior nation

Just as long as the left don’t get too much control that is

<> How?

We did not get political instruction in the army

But the seargents would sometimes say, right you set of bastards who wants to volunteer for a pay cut?

A pay cut?

Aye just vote Labour

<> Ha, ha, ha

So will you give me a sloppy kiss if I can explain how revolution is war

<> Ha, ha, ha

I might

And I might not tell you

<> Then you will not get a kiss

And so does that mean I will get a kiss if I tell you?

<> It’s not war

Yes it is

But if you don’t want me to off load my superior intelect for a mere kiss then fuck it you can do without

<> Do you want to kiss me?

Woman

<> You want to?

Are you flattered

<> You’re clever

That’s because I am working class

<> What do you mean?

If I was one of your lot you would discribe me differently

<> What do you mean?

If I were middle class you would discribe me as intelligent

But clever will do for now

Right there was a conflict in Europe in the 30s

Do you know where that conflict was?

<> Spain

What did they call that conflict?

<> The Spanish Civil War

By the way do you believe it was a war?

<> Yes

Who won the war?

<> Franco

And who were they fighting?

<> The communists

They say the victor writes the history

You have heard of that have you?

<> Yes

OK give a little thought before answering the next question

If the communists had won the war what would they as victors have called it

PAUSE:

<> I don’t know

Ha, ha, ha

Not fancy a kiss

<> Ha, ha, ha

OK the Spanish Revolution

You must remember this

A kiss is not just a kiss

So

Now?

Or

Later?

 <>

Click on Older Posts Link below to continue

After A Night In The Cells

Outside of Gillbridge Police Station

Sunderland

Early Morning

2011 09 11

So what’s your name?

<> Nicola

That’s a nice name

Are you not cold in that skimpy outfit?

<> A bit

Can I offer you my jacket?

<> It’s all right

No, no I insist

You woman

Walking around town on cold nights a few garments short of your birthday suite as if nothing is the bother

Yet get you home and you all start to shiver while pulling garments up around your neck and saying, would you put the fire on

<> Ha, ha, ha

What you hanging about for

<> My partner is in the cells

Do you love him?

<> Yes

That’s good

Restores my faith in humanity to know there are people who still know love

So many young people these days say they don’t believe in it

But it is real

A manifestation of the Good Lord himself

<> Are you a Christian?

I love the Lord

<> Are you in love?

Not at the moment

Though I have had my moments

I have been blessed with love

I have had feelings of love for a lot of woman

But I have only been in love four times

It’s the greatest feeling in the world

But

To be heartbroken is total shit

And I have been heartbroken with each of those four women

I was blessed to meet each of them

But I’ll take the pain

To have the gain

Once again

<> Are you Geordie Gardiner?

The same

<> And do you party around the pubs?

Sort of

Have you heard?

<> Most people have

Have they?

Have you heard good or bad reports?

<> Good

They say you are funny

Do they

My aim

To spread a little happiness in Sunderland

Like Ken Dodd would sing

Happiness, happiness

The greatest thing I possess

I thank the Lord that I have been blessed

With all my share of happiness

But as the Scouse lads I served with in the army would say

He is not singing happiness

He is singing ha penis, ha penis

The greatest thing I possess

I thank the Lord that I have been blessed

With all my share of ha penis

<> Ha, ha, ha

What other songs do you sing?

Well I do not have a good singing voice

But as the grunts in the American Marines might sing

You’re just too good to be true

Can’t take my eyes off you

You’d be like heaven to touch

I want hold you so much

At long last love has arrived

And I thank God I am alive

You’re just too good to be true

Can’t take eyes off you

<> Ah that was so nice

Who sang that?

The great Andy Williams

What is your name again?

<> Why?

Might put this little chance meeting on my Blog

<> Nicola

OK check it out

And well you might have a few fond memories of this evening

<>

Andy is cool

Check it out

PS

If you’re out there Nicola send a photograph for the Blog

The Crazy Craze Of Sunderland

 Burger Bar Sunderland

2011 09 10

Hello ladies

And gents

Cannot beat a good burger

Especially when ye could eat a scabby dog

<> I’m a vegetarian

Really

So what you doing in place like this?

<> You can get veggie burgers here

But do you not see that as supporting the meat industry?

<> If more people eat vegetarian then there will be less demand for meat

Do you reckon?

And less damage to the ozone layer?

<> How?

Come on now

Not heard?

If there was less cattle in the world

There would be less cow farts

And less methane

The thing is you veggies like pulses

<> (Little girl sitting near by)

Mister

Hello there

How can I help you young lady?

<> What are pulses?

Like beans

Butter beans

Kidney beans

Mushy peas

And they make you pump

<> Ha, ha, ha

(PAUSE:)

Vegetarians like their pulses

And they fart more than the cows

Got a bloody great hole in the ozone layer and they blame cow fats when in reality they are as much to blame as daisy the cow

<> Ha, ha, ha

Do you know what all responsible vegetarians should do?

<> What?

They should light their farts

<> Light their farts?

Why aye

Put a lighter to your arse at an appropriate moment and the world will be a better place

<> (Other customers)

Ha, ha, ha

Ha, ha, ha

<> Does it work?

Like a treat

But make sure ye got ye jeans on

<> Why?

Coz ye might singe ye arse

<> Ha, ha, ha

Why aye

Lets have the Fart Burners Association of Sunderland

Create a Fart Burners Union

And save the planet

<> Ha, ha, ha

<> Show us how it works

I once heard of a Frenchman who could fart at will but I have not developed such skills

<> I can fart

Can ye?

Then go for it

<> What do I do?

Here’s a lighter

Just hold the flame to the seat of ye pants

<> Fummmm

(Other customers)
Ha, ha, ha

Ha, ha, ha

There ye go

Canny one

Game for a laugh you students

Tell all ye mates

And ye never know

Norfolk might not go underwater

<> Ha, ha, ha

<>

A Dance With A Silksworth Lass

I said to the taxi man take me to a pub in Silksworth, I cannot remember the name of the pub, so I will include the pub details later

Update:
It was in the Hunter's Lodge

<>

<> Come here you

Me?

<> Yes

<> Why is that song your signature tune?

Because although my Blog Fit To Be Loved is about all kinds, the battle of the sexes, Sunderland & all kinds besides, it is also about love and I can’t help falling in love with you.  That’s why.  Shit lets get the boys together & have a singsong.  I’ve done it before in other pubs.  I’ve had everyone singing it, shit & it’s fucking great, as good as any male voice choir.

<> Who sang it originally?

Well I think originally Elvis sang it & a whole host of others but the UB40 version is so fucking cool.

<> What is it that makes it so cool?

Well the Elvis version is a little serious almost, if you know what I mean, Celine Dion makes it sound a little sad but UB40 make it a totally joyous song, it’s bubbly and the only version that makes me want to dance to it and the Blog is among other things about falling in love and so that’s it.  Let’s make it the song of Sunderland.  Let’s all sing the bastard when we are walking home pissed late at night.  Let’s put a fucking smile on the face of Sunny Sunderland.  Make a DVD with videos of different versions sang in different pubs in the city, the Alex, pubs in Silksworth & such.  Just got to dream about it.  Then ye got ta take your dreams & make them reality. 

Take my hand

Take my whole life too

Coz I can’t help falling in love with you

<> And I love you

Do you?

<> Yes

But we have only just met

<> I know

I love you

It might just be fleeting

But at this moment my heart is beating

Just for you

<> Lets Dance

And I can’t help falling in love with you


<>

Dear God Kelly I Love You



Have you ever met Kelly Holmes?

You want to believe it

She once kissed me

And I can prove it

How?

Just log into my Blog & there you will see

Not just one

Or even two

But an extra one

Free

One, two, free

Just for me

Log into my Blog

And you will see



XXX

WOW I LOVE KELLY

<>

NEXT!

The Board Inn

Check Out Geordie Gardiner’s Signature Tune

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ajp0Uaw4rqo

Have ye written anything interesting recently?

Well I was in Yahoo News the other day & scientists claim they have found a planet made almost totally of diamond.  Just think neewhere to grow ye tatties.  Soil must cost a fucking fortune.

Ha, ha, ha

Aye enough to make Liz Taylor stand on her head

As you ladies know diamonds are a girls best friend

There ye go there’s a bag of soil instead

(Further developed after a night out in Silksworth 2011 09 03)

Ha, ha, ha

Owt else

Wait till I get my little black book out

Let’s see

This one is not so much about people who sit on the fence but about those that have each foot in different camps.

Here we go

Straddling the fence

Is not so intense

With reference

To the ground

You’re stood upon

The Acid test

Being a pacifist*

And voting for war

Mind the veil falls

On ye animal rights

If ye cat has no balls

Property is theft

Only if bereft

And you have fuck all at all

At all

If ye Luva Luvz ye

Then they can be ye partner

Coz two heads are better than one

You can stand

With the other

You checking them

The other the other

Your sister

Your brother

And as for the rest

Put the bastards up against the wall

<> Ha, ha, ha

*Alreet there Chrissyboy?

<>



The Bonobo Tango

First coined in Plains Farm Club

<> Do you like dancing?

All night

<> Do you like Salsa?

Well I have seen it before and I remember I liked what I saw but I just cannot picture it in my mind at the moment.  I like Tango, I would love to learn to dance Tango, would you be my Tango partner then we could Tango all night long.

<> What is it you like about Tango?

It’s sexy

I don’t like the Come Dancing type Tango of the like that might make Bruce Forsyth’s chin hit the floor.  In fact I am not that keen on the older type Tango music, about ten years ago or so a group of Argentinean musicians got together and developed a more modern type of Tango music, they called themselves the Gotan Project, check it out on You Tube it’s cool.  Whenever I see that Come Dancing type Tango it always looks stiff but there seems to be a more fluid movement when I have watched videos that include the modern Tango music.  Shit I love it.

<> But is it sexist?

Sexist my arse

How do you work that out?

<> Can it not be read as a representation of male dominance?

Dear me

Is that because it could be perceived as having a whiff of the Bull Fight?

With elements from gypsy dancers

Doing the Flamenco

Who are after his balls

<> Ha, ha, ha

Bullshit

It is the female that is central

It is a celebration of the female form

It is the most sensual dance I have ever seen

There are macho elements

But generally the dominant element is the worship of the female form

There might be elements that express male aggression  

But at some point he melts before the beauty of the flowing movement

Shit if ye want good legs learn the Tango

Argentinean woman must have some of the best legs in the world 

<> So what is Bonobo Tango?

Ha, ha, ha I was once dancing in a club & a black guy from the band that was playing said he had never seen anyone dance like me before and he asked me to give the dance a name.  So after a little thought I said, OK I’ll call it Bonobo Tango.

<> How did you develop the dance?

Well the only form of exercise I use is dancing.  I have had numerous injuries to my legs over the years and in an attempt to regain fitness I would dance and because of injuries I could not use any jarring movements.  That’s it.

<> Why Bonobo?

Have you heard of the Bonobo?

<> No

Well here we go

I am no expert of Geology and the like so my explanation is not going to be precise.  Plates in the earth clashed together to form mountain ranges and such and such movements formed the Congo.  On the east of the Congo the Chimpanzee cannot rely on a vegetarian diet, they will eat almost anything including small animals they are able to kill.  They are aggressive creatures and it is a male dominated society, the dominant male can have sex with whatever female he wants and whenever he wants. Anthropologist in the past have used studies of the Chimpanzee as a way of demonstrating the aggressive link between apes and man.  On the West of the Congo the vegetation is completely different, it is a rain forest and in that jungle live the Bonobo.   The Bonobo are in fact exactly like the Chimpanzee but because of their environment they have developed in a completely different way.  They have a totally vegetarian diet and would you believe it is a female dominated society.  If a male does something wrong then sex gets knocked on the head for a few days, ha, ha, ha and none of the females will have sex with him.

<> And how did they develop differently?

Because the Congo split Africa asunder and what I find interesting about it is if the aggressive Chimpanzees on the east of the Congo can be shown to be a link to the aggression of man how is it that the Bonobo on the west of the Congo cannot be used to show how it is that not all humans are aggressive.  I have spoken to a number of switched on feminists about the subject and I believe in this century woman are going to take a huge leap for mankind and we, ha, ha, ha, which includes me are the Bonobo Tango.

<>

Tango is Beautiful

Check it out ladies

<>

Goad With A Toad

The Board Inn

Durham Road, East Herrington, Sunderland, SR3 3NS



Does anything frighten you?

I used to keep spiders, do you like spiders stuck in the bath.  If you were my partner I would have you fit as a fiddle in no time.

<> How?

Easy, my grandmother Gardiner rest her soul was one of the fittest gannies in Pennywell.  I said to her, nanna look at this and when she saw the toad in my hand she jumped onto the settee and had one leg on the armrest and one leg on the backrest while trying to climb up the wall.  Ha, ha, ha, well after that I would have some fun from time to time running round the house after her.  In those council houses ye got the passage that leads to the kitchen, that leads to the dinning room, then the front room & then back to the passage.  Round & round the house after her, ha, ha, ha, sometimes she would have a sweat on.  Ha, ha, ha, why aye keep ye ganny fit otherwise she would just be sitting round the house all day supping tea.

<> Ha, ha, ha

I’d have our Carol cornered, she would be screaming at the top of her voice and I’d say, give it a kiss and see if it turns into a Knight in Shining Armour.

<> Ha, ha, ha

What spiders did you keep?

The best ones are those big bastards ye catch on blackberry bushes, have ye seen them, big bastards they are.  Tack them home in a jar, leave the back door open to let the flies in than gan daft with the Echo, before long ye got a fucking git fat spider and then if ye sisters gang up on ye ye just have to say ye better stop or I’ll get the spider out.  Why aye ye lungs would be tiptop in no time.  Ha, ha, ha, you’d be screaming the house down, strong woman my arse. 

<>

Click on Older Posts Link below to continue



Good Turn – Want To See Some Other!

Humbledon & Plains Farm Workmen's Club & Institute

Premier Road
Sunderland
Tyne and Wear
SR3 1SY

<> Could you live with me?

Can you make good Yorkshire Puddings?

<> The best

Well if that is not a jest

The acid test

Is Yorkshire Puds & gravy

<> How often would you make love to me?

When it’s bright

With lots of light

And with the lights on

In the evening

<> Would you come back to my place later?

Shit ask me when I’m sober

Would you please?

I’m pissed out of my head

I’ve a bellyful of whiskey

I never drink wine

But tonight

Josephine

Is not the right time

<> But it has to be tonight

Did ye mother never tell ye never on the first night because ye might wake up with a fright on seeing the ugly bastard next to ye?

<> Ha, ha, ha

Do you think I am ugly?

Defiantly not

And have you had enough to disregard those characteristics of mine you would rather cover with an inkblot.

<> Ha, ha, ha

I think your handsome

I love your beard

Barman give me a pint of what she is drinking would ye?

<> But it has to be tonight otherwise it will never happen

Then I will never know what I have missed

Is this some strange protocol?

Where do woman get their ideas from?

Shit before long you will be asking me to cross the road for ye

<> Would you?

What’s it all about?

Margie

Is it just for the moment, you live?

What’s it all about?

Are we meant to take more, than we give?
Or, are we meant to be kind?

I believe in love

Margie

But as I ‘m pissed

I’ll not remember we kissed

(Spoken) But then

For that moment

You lived

Now then what the fuck is all this crossing the road about?

Where do woman get their ideas from?

<> Would you cross the road for someone?

I would cross the greatest seas and oceans for the right person but I will not cross the fucking road until I know what the fuck it is all about, Margie.

<> So it’s off

Passed its sell by date before it hit the shelves

<> Ha, ha, ha

What do you think of this place?

Well as clubs go this is about the best I’ve been in, I’m not into workingmen’s clubs because I don’t like Bingo?

<> Bingo?

It spoils the night for me. I rarely drink in clubs because of the Bingo.

<> Do you think they should stop playing it?

Well I cannot expect everywhere to cater for my tastes, other people like it; it’s for them, not for me.  We all have different tastes, thank God for that or we would all be fucking Bay City Roller fans. 

<> Ha, ha, ha

I forget and sometimes get a seat on an upholstered bench at the back of a club in front of a table then before long someone sits to your right then someone to the left.  There you are with half a pint and the Bingo starts and that’s it ye stuck there gagging for a fucking pint because ye cannot get up.  It’s all official, “we got a count in the lounge” and those around ye are saying, I was just waiting for one number, what were you waiting for, a fucking pint.

<> Ha, ha, ha

<>

<>

Recently I purchased the DVD at Amazon for a penny + £1.26 P&P



Forgive Us Lord

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Scriptogram © JAG

<>

Lets break off this war of the sexes and take you over to alternative views of the blues – Normal Broadcasts will resume shortly.

<>

Dear Lord God

What a wondrous world

Lost

In a vast space

Dear God

Forgive us our sins

Man is often a disgrace

Dear God

Feel our pain

For the mothers son left with a broken face

Tears shed

For the Muslim father

His son now dead

Dear God

Feel our pain

Pity that such should happen again

Assist us Lord

In the struggle

Against those who want no good

Assist us Lord

In the struggle

Against the man in the shadow of the hood

Bless us Lord

I ask this in and through our Saviour Lord Jesus Christ

Amen

BUY IT

                                      Buy

                                 <>       <>

                                \      <>     /

                                       Hot

Push the shove over/come

Car chase over/run

Fast forward

Cool

Diet

With/out

Over/load

Lout

Riot

Shout

Just out of school

Fool

Fuck U

Bastards

Waves

Upon Waves

Flames

Blames

Tool

Rule

Rule

Tool

Back/bone

Hone

Warrior

Pool

Fight Back

Left/Field

Right Sight

Load of shite

Shield

Baton

England

Drool

I have placed here a second Scriptogram of Christ because the larger image above will not copy & paste without losing some configuration.   Please use this image as you feel fit but I would be grateful if anyone using this image would give me credit and I would also be grateful if you would also be so kind as to let me know where you use the image.

Thanks

<>