The Crazy Craze Of Sunderland

 Burger Bar Sunderland

2011 09 10

Hello ladies

And gents

Cannot beat a good burger

Especially when ye could eat a scabby dog

<> I’m a vegetarian

Really

So what you doing in place like this?

<> You can get veggie burgers here

But do you not see that as supporting the meat industry?

<> If more people eat vegetarian then there will be less demand for meat

Do you reckon?

And less damage to the ozone layer?

<> How?

Come on now

Not heard?

If there was less cattle in the world

There would be less cow farts

And less methane

The thing is you veggies like pulses

<> (Little girl sitting near by)

Mister

Hello there

How can I help you young lady?

<> What are pulses?

Like beans

Butter beans

Kidney beans

Mushy peas

And they make you pump

<> Ha, ha, ha

(PAUSE:)

Vegetarians like their pulses

And they fart more than the cows

Got a bloody great hole in the ozone layer and they blame cow fats when in reality they are as much to blame as daisy the cow

<> Ha, ha, ha

Do you know what all responsible vegetarians should do?

<> What?

They should light their farts

<> Light their farts?

Why aye

Put a lighter to your arse at an appropriate moment and the world will be a better place

<> (Other customers)

Ha, ha, ha

Ha, ha, ha

<> Does it work?

Like a treat

But make sure ye got ye jeans on

<> Why?

Coz ye might singe ye arse

<> Ha, ha, ha

Why aye

Lets have the Fart Burners Association of Sunderland

Create a Fart Burners Union

And save the planet

<> Ha, ha, ha

<> Show us how it works

I once heard of a Frenchman who could fart at will but I have not developed such skills

<> I can fart

Can ye?

Then go for it

<> What do I do?

Here’s a lighter

Just hold the flame to the seat of ye pants

<> Fummmm

(Other customers)
Ha, ha, ha

Ha, ha, ha

There ye go

Canny one

Game for a laugh you students

Tell all ye mates

And ye never know

Norfolk might not go underwater

<> Ha, ha, ha

<>