Conversation from Stuttyland

In the Hollymere Public House, Sunderland where the wired and wonderful can often be seen to happen

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Does your lass have a tickling stick?

Has she?

Has she got one?

A tickling stick

<> What’s a tickling stick?

Shit you Stutties have been culturally starved

What you have never heard of a tickling stick?

<> No what are they?

Well in the winter it’s time for hibernation

But in the spring the little ducks hatch

The bunnies come out with their little white tails

And the woman get out the tickling stick

You know what I mean

Spring in the air

Filled with love

There’s happiness everywhere

When your young and in love

Who sang that bastard?

<> So what are they?

Well

Kind of like

If you know what I mean

For cleaning the cob webs away

Ha, ha, ha

Ye might get one in Ann Summers

Bit expensive I bet

Likely get one in Jackie Whites Market

But you will have to get up early in the morning

They gan quick

Just look for a queue of woman

It’s likely that’s what they’ll be after

Why aye

After a lang winter

Ye wake up all bleary-eyed one morning

And wow

There she is

With her tickling stick

You Germans should stop slapping each other on the arse and follow the more culturally superior British and get your self a good old tickling stick

<> What do they look like?

Well woman being woman ye can get pink fluffy ones

And you can also get them in different colours

Red, white & blue if ye want

Beats a wet lettuce any day

Ha, ha, ha

<> Wet lettuce?

Salad days

That’s more like a summer tradition

I’ll tell ye about that some other time

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