Killer On The Loose

How do I know you are a Christian?

Because I have told you so

But that does not prove it

Are you a Christian?

No

Didn’t think you would be

So why is my word not good enough

What is it about me that you find hard to believe I am a Christian?

Why do you think I am not a Christian?

Most young people in this country don’t seem to be

You used to be a soldier

And

Have you killed?

Wouldn’t you like to know?

How can you be a Christian and kill?

Easy

Do you like a man in uniform?

Not really

Do you like a woman in uniform?

Oh aye

What uniform?

Well I used to get down to Frankfurt, in the Southern Sector

What is the southern sector?

In Germany the British were in the Northern Sector

And the Yanks had the south

So why did you go to the south?

Because there was a small Yankee Regiment attached to us, or were we attached to them?

Who knows?

And for some reason they had no military vehicles

Plenty of those big Yankee gas guzzlers they all owned but as I recollect there was no or hardly any military vehicles

Why was that?

Never figured that out

But the lads reckoned it was something to do with the fact we carried Nuclear Bombs

It’s not an official secret anymore

You can find a lot of the details on the Internet

It’s what is called public domain

So why did you have to go to Frankfurt?

As I say the Yanks had no military vehicles

So anything they needed, stores and what have you had to be transported from the south

It was one of our duties

What did you get while there?

Mainly stores from the PX

What is the PX?

From a military family & you don’t know that?

It is short for Post Exchange

Which is like a big supermarket

In Frankfurt?

Yeah

And form time to time I would have to get my paperwork from an office with about seven or so Yankee woman soldiers

Great lasses they were

And dressed in woman’s Yankee army uniforms

Wow

Lines up the back of there tights that went right up to their arse

Ha

Used to have a good laugh with them

How?

Every opportunity I got I would use the word Yank or Yankee

One of them would say, ah am not ah Yankee ah come from Georgia

I would say, ye sound like a Yank to me, so you are a Yank, just keep on fluttering those eyelashes and you and me will be good mates

What other uniforms do you like

Well most men get the hots for nurses

That’s sexist

You have your head up your arse

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander

You might not like men in uniform

But a lot of woman do

I can promise you that

A lot of you woman get the hots for firemen

Why do you think that is?

Oh save me

Save me

Take me in your arms and save me

And then could you get my pussy out of the tree

Ha, ha, ha

Any other uniforms

Well over recent years there are more & more woman police officers around town

And I kind of like seeing them

Wiggle

So have you ever killed anyone?

PAUSE:

Have you ever had penetrative sex?

Or have you always been a lesbian?

That’s private

Aye well so are parts of my life

But how can you kill when it says thou shall not kill

Do you think I am fucking stupid?

People might ask you a question in an aggressive manner in order to pull you down

And just because you got a pretty face and you are asking it in a nice manner don’t be fooled into thinking I don’t know you’re getting on your high horse and want to knock me down

You cannot answer the question

And that’s why you asked it is it?

Ha, ha

One day if you are as strong a woman as you pretend to be I will show you a thing or two young lady

But the fact is I can answer that fucking question

No you can’t

Yes I can

Yes I can

Yes I can

I can do anything better than you

Go on then

Could I go down on you if I can?

Would you want to?

Would you want me to?

Would you want to?

That’s up to the woman, if you want me to it could happen, if you don’t it won’t

Simple

Do you want me to?

PAUSE:

Has the cat got ye tongue?

Got any bottle?

Shit I bet you shiver on the front line of the shopping queue

Strong woman?

My arse

How would you do it?

Shit

Are you considering it?

You cannot answer

What?

How can you be a Christian and be a soldier at the same time when the Bible says, thou shall not kill

You think I cannot answer but I can

Are you not aware that millions of Christians fought in the First & Second World Wars and all the other wars that there have been?

Ha

Fucking smug bastard

Your high horse will have no legs by the time I’m finished with you

I’ll cut you down

Like the 17/21^st Lancers

Death or Glory

Fucking Death or Glory

Great that

The coolest motto in the British Army

Why do you call it the British Army?

Coz I served with enough Jocks to know it’s not the English Army

Ha, ha

Is it the British Army?

A lot of people ask that question

Check it out

Get yourself along the recruitment office

It’s just along the road

In Vine Place

See what name it says in the window

Have you had penetrative sex?

I am a virgin

Is that right

And here is me

Little Boy Blue with the Horn

I am a virgin

Aye gan and tell ye aunt Fanny

That’s sexist

How can it be sexist?

It’s woman’s name

To call a women Fanny is sexist

No it’s not

Well it is

But to say go and tell your aunt Fanny is not

Yes it is

Shit your don’t know do you?

What?

That it is a woman’s name

No it's not

Yes it fucking is

You’ll be telling me next that gay does not mean happy

Ha, ha, ha

Happy?

Ha, ha, ha

Shit you don’t know that either do you?

A degree in English & doesn’t know her own language

Everyone knows it means to be homosexual

Yes

That is the meaning that the word has acquired

In the not too distant past before the word was hijacked it meant happy

No it didn’t

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Merry little king of the bush is he
Laugh

Kookaburra Laugh

Kookaburra
GAY

His life must be

So what’s all that about then?

How is it they are not extinct?

And it meant happy?

Look in the dictionary

And Fanny was a woman’s name

You know Sahara

Ask her

She didn’t know either

I had a similar conversation with her

I saw this bloke about my age sitting with his pint & I said here mate can you help us out here. 

Can you remember a cookery programme in the 60s on black & white tele?

There was a husband & wife team 

The husband was a big bald dumb bastard

And the wife wore dark makeup around her eyes

Can you remember her name?

And he replied, Fanny Cradock

Ha, ha, ha

Shit

Kids today know fuck all

What do think of Sahara

Ummm very beautiful

Stubborn

Very Stubborn

But she is willing to listen

And she gave the impression she was willing to revaluate her beliefs if confronted with the truth

You know what she told me?

She told me she was my ex wife’s daughter

What did you think of that?

My bullshit antenna is always tuned in

And people tell you so much bullshit

But why would she want to tell me that if she wasn’t?

Who knows?

What do you think of her as a person?

I like her a lot

I haven’t seen her in years

You know what?

You might think I am bullshitting now

But she said, will you kiss me

Aye and her partner is standing a few yards away

I said, I cannot kiss you when he is there

And she says, please would you kiss me

Shit

A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do 

I have had some wired and wonderful kisses over the years
It’s not in my top five

But might be in my top ten

How is it everyone seems to know her?

Do you know what she does?

She is an artist

But do you know what she does?

Embroidery

What do you think of that?

I would like to see her work

But I have never seen it

I guess she is not doing swallows in the corner of pillowcases

She must be good at what she does

Because a lot of people I know seem to know her

And I guess they must know her because of her work

Aye

I really would like to see her work

Do you know how old she is?

I think she was born in 1971 or 72

How old would your ex wife have been then?

About 14

Did you know?

I had a good idea

I am not saying I truly believe Sahara

But there again why tell a lie about such

How did you know?

The ex had stretch marks

Did that bother you?

Not one bit

I loved her

Totally

And as far as I am concerned she could have kept the baby

And today

I would have a daughter

And I would have loved to have had a daughter

I always wanted sons

But now I wish I had a daughter

Anyway I will have to be moving on

You still didn’t answer

What?

Thou shall not kill

And you did not answer

What?

Whether or not I can go down on you if I can answer

You cannot answer

If that is the case then nowt is the bother

I will never see you with ye draws off

Could you satisfy me?

Easy

What makes you so sure?

Don’t you worry about thing-inggggggg-inggggg-ing

OK

Ha, ha, ha

Your bullshitting

I’ll do it

You mean I will

If you want

Yes please

But once I give you the answer I don’t want you to say that is a contradiction

Is it?

Is it fuck

Go on then

When?

Tell me now

I mean when & where will I get to do it

Not sure

Aye I knar

Have ye lost ye bottle?

You fucking what

Your place

Arrange it some other time

Next time I see you

When I am not full of whiskey

Wow

I’ll be 100% sober

Why?

It’s better when ye sober

Not learnt that yet

Though you lesbians have a low libido

And you might have only ever done it when ye pissed

So got the answer

Do you reckon I have?

No

So you have kicked away the legs of Christians before with this question?

Ha, ha, ha

Aye

Guessed so

Don’t worry

It will be me who is on my knees

But you young lady will be on your bottom

Have you read the Bible?

No

Have you?

Three times

But I would not claim to understand it all

Did you have a Christian education?

Why do you need to know that?

If I have a little understanding of what you know it will make explanation easier

Did you have any Christian education at school, or did you have morning assembly with hymns and stories from the Bible, in the infants, or the juniors or whatever.

Yes

Was that in Germany?

Yes

OK lets see what you remember

In the Bible can you remember where it first says, thou shall not kill

PAUSE:

In The Ten Commandments

Very good

The Old Testament is a chronological account

Who lived first Mosses or David?

PAUSE:

Mosses

Brownie Points for that

What was the occupation of David?

PAUSE:

Shepherd

Very good

But that was his occupation as a boy

What did he do as an adult?

PAUSE:

I am not sure

Think

What was it he was involved in a lot?

I am not sure

Think

What was it he was involved in a lot?

He fought in a lot of battles

Praise the Lord

David was a fucking warrior

And one of the greatest warriors of all time

He was Gods favoured man

There was no man on earth favoured above David

My hero

He was a warrior

David killed

And he killed for God after the commandment Thou Shall Not Kill

Praise the Lord

And all Christian warriors

Now then

If you have not got any really skimpy black knickers I would appreciate it if got some


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