Down Town

<> Could you love X?

Yes

<> Would you fuck her?

I could love her in a kind of brotherly way, but I could not have an intimate relationship with her.

<> Why?

I am not interested in the Ugly Bird Syndrome

<> What’s that?

Ha, ha, ha, U.B.S. or U Bastard.  The fashion among good looking guys in university.  They seek out the ugliest bird they can find and they fuck them literary, in the head, in the fanny & as likely as not these days up the arse & then they leave them.  All they are after is status, it’s right on & all they are interested in is their own sense of self-importance and ego.

<> But aren’t you guilty of using your own value judgments to assess a person.

Yes, if it is X that we are talking about

<> But she is a very nice person

I am aware of that, I imagine she would be great with children, I imagine she would be great with pensioners, I imagine she would make a great nurse, I would guess she would be great fun to be with but I could not love her.

<> But you said you could love her

My mistake your fault.  I will reiterate, I could love her in a way similar as a brother might love her or as am older than her as a father but I could not be in love with her.

<> But would you fuck her?

Am I to believe that your understanding of English is so bad that you cannot understand that I have already given the answer to that question in the answers I have already given or is it you just want a yes or no answer.

<> Well would you, yes or no?

Fuck you, I will answer the way I choose fit and if you don’t understand get back to fucking school.

Would you fuck a fat ugly old bastard?

Well?

Would you?

<> What do you think?

Maybe you would

<> Do you think I would?

You tell me

You’re the one who knows not me

<> I am not attracted to such people

Your not lying now?

Are you?

<> What makes you say that?

Well you did not answer with a yes or no

I cannot discern an answer

<> Why should I have to answer with a yes or no when you will not?

Your rules baby

Those are the rules you play by

I have my rules and if you don’t understand them then get back to school

You play by your rules and as I understand them you need to answer yes or no

So would you fuck a fat ugly bastard?

And only by answering yes or no will I know for sure

<> You will not answer yes or no

Because I will not wear the box on my head that you would like to place on it, keep ye fucking box it stinks

<> I don’t like you to call me baby

That’s cool baby

<> Are you a sexist?

You are

<> I asked you

You have got a lot to learn, a degree in English and History & ye still know fuck all.  The word baby was not originally a word exclusively used by men to address woman.  You ever hear of Diana Ross?

<> What’s that got to do with it?

Baby – Baby

Where did our love go?

Why don’t you want me?

Baby - Baby

Don’t you want me no more?

You CAME

Into my life

Ummm

I am a bit too long in the tooth for you to be able to fuck with my brain

But

Stick around

And before long the wires will be hanging out ye fucking heed

<> What does that mean?

Did I miss something?

What does what mean?

And to answer my own question

What?

<> Heed

What does heed mean?

Shit how long have you been working in Sunderland now?

Every time you have heard locals say heed what is it you thought they were referring to?

<> Well what does it mean?

And you with a degree in English

Take Note

Heed

Got it

Means head

<> Ha

Do you think you are clever?

Cannot win answering such questions

That’s why you ask them

If I say no it means I am thick

And saying yes sounds big headed

You middle class bastards like to get on ye high horse

Somewhere along the line ye might get round to asking, have ye got a chip on ye shoulder?

Where you fuckers have a fucking great big plank

Have you been in love?

<> No

How old are you?

<> 28

Well I cannot say I am sorry for you, you have time yet.

<> What do you mean?

If you were about 40 or 45 and you told me you had never been in love then I would feel sorry for you but there is time yet, otherwise it would be sad.

<> What’s sad?

Shot At Dawn

<> What is?

<> Ha, ha, ha, the sunrise.

What do you mean?

S A D is the abbreviation used for those Shot At Dawn.  Put on a white blouse; stick your arms in the air think of Goya & the 300 or so poor souls from this country who found themselves in front of a firing squad during the First World War.

<> Why were they shot?

Mainly for shell shock

<> Shell shock was not recognised

It was not recognised officially but it was a term used on occasion in war diaries.

<> Diaries?

Not personal diaries written by individuals but official diaries of day-to-day events written by officers.

<> It was not officially recognised?

Not as far as I am aware but it was a term used in official War Diaries?

<> What are War Diaries?

War Diary is the official name given to the record of daily events recorded by the officer in command.

<> And they used the term shell shock?

I am interested in soldiers form the Sunderland area that served in the First World War.  I have not read a huge number of War Diaries and those I have read concern Regiments that included soldiers from the North East.  The Durham Light Infantry, The Northumberland Fusiliers, The Yorkshire Regiment and such.  How common the term shell shock was I cannot say but I have definitely read the term to describe the condition of men in War Diaries I have read.  

<> So were they shot?

No

<> Why not?

Cannot say, possibly soon after being found with shell shock maybe they were not ordered over the top.

<> And if they had been?

If they had been ordered over the top and if they had refused then possibly they might have been shot for cowardice because although the term shell shock was definitely used it was not officially recognised in such cases. 

<> Do you know of any soldiers from the North East that were shot?

Off the top of my head I think there is one from Sunderland and I am aware of one from Gateshead, if there were others I am not yet aware of them.

What regiments were they in.

I believe the soldier from Sunderland was in the Durham Light Infantry & the Gateshead soldier was in the Northumberland Fusiliers.

<> Were they killed for shell shock?

They would not have been recorded as being executed for such, sorry I cannot recollect at the moment why the soldier from Sunderland was executed but the soldier from Gateshead was executed for being a mutineer.

<> Where was that?

You know an apple a day keeps the doctor away?

<> What’s that got to do with it?

Well Eat Apples.

<> What?

Apparently the place is pronounced or sounds like Eat Apples.

<> Eat Apples?

Yes, shit your French is better than mine

<> Was the series The Monocled Mutineer based on that?

Hit the nail right on the head.

<> What did you think of it?

A fabrication, so it was found to be after viewing, as entertainment it is something I would like to like and but shit fuck it I cannot.

<> Why not?

It’s a fabrication that was sold as being a factual depiction.  I suppose that is down to the book it was based on but the guy who made the series Bleasdale should have avoided the temptation to jump in without checking the facts and the facts are that the main character was never in France.  Percy Toplis was a soldier, but he served somewhere like India I believe & not France.  The Trouble in Eat Apples did occur but there is no evidence I am aware of that suggests it had anything to do with Socialism & the sets looked wooden.  Just not for me.

<> Seen any good films recently?

The Damned United about Brian Clough, I liked it, he was so funny, have you seen it?

<> No

Are you interested in football?

<> Not really

I’m not these days but I was once

You look

Fit

<> What do you mean?

Which bit do you not understand?

<> Ha

So

Are you fit

Or is it you look

Fit

<> Do I look Fit?

I’ll take your question & ask do you think my answer is

A enough to manage a three mile run

Or B

To eat

<> Ha

You’re ogling

And you do not reciprocate do you not?

I ogle do I?

And you

What are you doing?

I suppose in return your just observing?

<> That’s right

Bullshit

You young lady you have your head up your arse

Does the sun beam down from a cloudless sky up there?

<> The sun is not out

You have a crap attitude towards men

<> Do you want to fuck me?

I would not want to fuck you if your arse was decked in diamonds

Is that a yes or a no?

Now then I will bid you farewell

By the way I won’t look back

But I will look forward

<> To what?

One day writing about a character based on you 


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